Wait!

That kid who was missing ten years before it was reported? Here's an age projection from CNN:
















CASE SOLVED! Get to a Blockbuster (are they still extant?) and rent The Talented Mr Ripley!:














Or wait til summer and see if the Proclaimers are at your state fair:








Now I will hang up my fedora, light a cigarette and call out through the frosted glass of my office to my Girl Friday: "NEXT!"