Questions unasked

That lady who has been standing out every Friday for at least ten years at the corner of Stewart and Brown, holding a sign? The tale I have on her, perhaps apocryphal, is that she was in a masters program and got a B+ instead of an A and it blew her mind.

Still, if I had a chance to do an old-fashioned three-question interview with her, I would ask:

1. Don't you worry that that Destroyer song "Chinatown" is going to turn into "Year of the Cat" the whole time?

2. Speaking, when you get home from a hard Friday of spooking passersby with your intenseness, what do you go home and listen to, record-wise?

3. When was the last time you thought about the movie Spies Like Us?

Stupid Three Question Interview: Kyle Rector

What to say? Known this guy for twenty-five years! He invented the Beastie Boys basically, and it was with him that I first heard "For Whom the Bell Tolls." That says it all, really. More? Okay - yesterday he was wearing some suede Pumas that were so far out they were in, then out, then further out - then even further out, so that they exist only in some realm of heretofore untold freshness. M'kay?

So, since we hadn't hung out in years, we will have FOUR questions.

1. In the mid-eighties you had a 'zine for about an issue and a half called
"Blogg." Now, of course, "blogs" are everywhere. Are you owed?

Of course...who knew people would actually come up with a meaning for a
clunky-ass word like that? Check issue 2 for Active Ingredients
interview.


2. What are your feelings about H.R. right this minute?

Didn't he blockade a large part of Kingston this week? Even though the Bad
Brains remain one of my all-time faves, H.R. makes me sad. Not sure
why.

3. Would things have been different if Scott LaRock had lived?

This is a clear case of someone being showered with attention and praise
strictly for kicking the bucket. If he were alive, he'd be eating Trader Ming's
chicken spring rolls from Trader Joe's and boring all of us about the South
Bronx vs Queensbridge feud. I didn't care then!

4. Suppose you had a pet deer. What would you call it?

Probably Daryl...I heard Mr. Hall is on a mission to killer all deer cuz he
got lyme disease. For some reason, I laugh every time I think about a tick on
Daryl Hall. You will too; just picture it. Enjoy your day.

Thanks, Kyle! Look out for Joey '75!

Stupid Three-Question Interview: Mary Fecteau

Miss Mary Fecteau shared an office with the Bride for a couple of years. She is a television producer and lives with her cat Edie "Purr" Fecteau.

1. As a transplant [originally from Rhode Island, "the Luxembourg of the Americas," Mary lost a full 80% of people she'd ever met in the Great White fire of whenever], what's the weirdest thing you've seen in D_____?

Two hours after my father and I arrived in town, we decided to walk around downtown and explore my new neighborhood. I believe we were over by Wimpy Burger when this fat kid with Down's syndrome walks toward us and yells "HEY BAABY HEY BAABY WASSUP???'

My dad and I were stunned. Then he said something like "Let's go ova to ma house and you kin make me sum breakfast."

I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or my dad. I think he was wearing a Bengals jersey [one team I'm certain is not in the Superbowl! - ed]. Every time I tell this story some smart ass always asks: "Well, did you make him breakfast?" No, I didn't. [not then, anyway - ed]

2. At what point did Steven Spielberg lose it?

I had to check IMDB to confirm this, but, to be completely honest, I haven't actually liked a Spielberg film since Jaws. It feels refreshing to admit that, but I'm pretty sure I've been pretending to like the Indiana Jones series since I was a toddler. But, for most people, I think the consensus would be he lost it before AI.

3. Suppose women grew facial hair in the same manner as men. What sort of facial hair would you like to try?

It's easier to imagine myself as a guy tahn to imagine a world where female facial hair is common and accepted. I'll have to reframe your question. I think, if I were a guy, I'd want to try a pencil mustache.

Thanks, Mary!

Stupid Three Question Interview: Kris Charles

Who, you might sensibly ask yourself, would marry someone who goes by the nickname "Skrunt?" What if I told you she turned out to be lovely and witty and all that good stuff? Folks, herewith Three Stupid Questions with Kris Charles, wife of my old college chum Andy:


1. We've never met*, and I'm sure you are suffering from the lack. But has your husband told you about when, when he and I were in an "altered" state, he ate an entire loaf of bread while watching the movie The Doors? How soon in your relationship did he divulge this and, if this is news, how do you feel about it right now?

Are you sure it was The Doors and not Uncle Buck, or Rattle and Hum? This story is news to me. One I had not yet heard, and trust me, I've heard plenty. Regardless, it's but another blip on the list of shame. And, shockingly, all of the stories don't change how crazy I am about him [awww! - ed.]. Strange, isn't it? It's one of those mysteries we are unlikely ever to solve.

2. When you were a little girl and first learned of "the curse," did you wig completely?

By "the curse" - are you referring to Skrunt?


3. If you were drafted into the army and then assigned to learn an exotic foreign language, such as Russian or Japanese, but you just thought that sounded like a royal pain, how would you get out of it?

I actually studied Japanese including an intensive Japanese course at Indiana University's East Asian Language Program. Insert nerd insult here. Sadly, I don't remember much of it. For example, I wish I could remember how to say "That's a dumb question."

What a dear lady! And check Skrunt Jr - not only is he actually named Liam, but he actually looks as if he has "Live Forever" stuck in his head in the picture! Also fave records of the year were Adele 19 and something called Raditude by somebody called Wheezers [?]!


* Kris sez: "...I must tell you that I've actually met you a number of times...I saw you and your band play. Skrunt might remember where." D'oh! This is the second time I've heard this in a week: another new-ish friend told me "Yeah, I met you after one of the Jet Age shows...you were wearing a white vneck teeshirt and Jay Madewell introduced us, but you were so drunk you couldn't talk and just sort of slumped over..." EPIC WIN FOR ROCK!!!

Stupid Three-Question Interview: Anne Brown

Hey! Let's check in with our friend Anne, shall we? She's about 4'10", RAWKS and is, in general, totes adorbs. She must also believe that brevity is the soul of wit, from her answers. She also was shy about providing an image of herself - I should put maybe Beryl Markham?

1. Why do people still find Sean Connery sexy?



Really? ewww



2. When you lived in Montana, did you ever have to explain Marion's
Pizza to anyone? If not, why not?



Yes. I also talked about Mike-Sells potato chips. I like
them.



3. If you could have dinner with anyone (EXCEPT ME) 1900-present,
who would it be?



Oliver Sacks

As a bonus, Anne says she does not really have a record of the year, but that her fave LP cover of the year was Mastadon's Crack the Skye, so THAT will be her image, as well:

Stupid Three Question Interview: Todd Bray

In the spirit of the old K-Composite zine, I'm going to start interviewing people I know. First off: my old buddy Todd "God" Bray, erstwhile D_____ punk icon of the late 80's and now fully-grown adult captain o' industry. Criteria for/workings of this New Thing are: I ask a person if they are there ("You there?"), then ambush them with the first three questions I think of. Let's go!





1. Do you and your dad ever bring up the time he broke a guitar over your head?

No, but we were recently sitting around drinking some Little Kings and as the Who came on the radio there was an uncomfortable "Pete Townsendish" gaze at each other.


2. What was the best movie of the 00's?

This one sort of stumped me, as I have spent the last four years watching

a.) The Wiggles
b.) Curious George
and c.) Thomas the Train [sic]

Do porn movies count? Seriously, I'm a fan of Seabiscuit. Why? I have no idea other than the little guy rules. He's the animal version of Rudy.


3. When he finds it in the stacks, how will you explain the cover of the Dwarves' Blood, Guts and P-ssy to your five year old son Cole?

Good question, but honestly...this is the one I worry about:




















Thanks for being our inaugural interviewee, TB! May your fairways be wide and sandtraps be few/small!


[Todd photo courtesy of 1989 or an old issue of Thrasher or something]