Nick Eddy LIES

Wait! I bore false witness! I saw some TV just last Sunday, when over at my mother-in-law's. One of the bride's younger sisters was looking at a marathon on MTV's America's Best Dance Crew. Which I don't understand at all. Top models, maybe. But are "dance crews" springing up organically all over the place? Kids sitting on their asses listlessly in summer backyards suddenly look around and say "Y'all know what? We got ourselves the makings of a dance crew!" [cue Kurtis Blow's "Basketball" over a montage of kids trying on old-skool FILA wear trying to get the Right Look, etc]. Um, what?

When I was a kid, teens took drugs and listened to Bad Brains. Huh.

Anyway, sorry for fibbing out my TV abstinence, if only ever so slightly.

A job I would not like

There are many: busdriver/airline pilot (or any other career where others' safety relies on my controlling a conveyance), chickenboy (mopper of porn stalls), etc...but what really blows my mind are the people who work on the Jumble puzzle in the paper. Even in this age of anagram generators, to have to think all day of words that can only be scrambled/unscrambled IN ONE WAY sounds like a remarkably taxing way to spend one's life, fraught with headaches such as when some dick in the Jumble office tells you, during end-of-workday proofing, just as you have the puzzle done, that, wait, hold up: sorry, hoss, but INSECT can also be INCEST [to use an overly facile example, and one that can likely be made into more than just one other word, but, see, right here I am just too lazy to care/check].

My god, the work these people do.

And don't even get me started on how crossword puzzles work, which I don't even understand at my age, mere hours from an AARP card.

Ha?

YOUR Brit celebs

I hate to admit it, but I've become one of those self-important assholes who doesn't watch TV. None. Our TV doesn't even work, with the digital switch. We had about eleven chances to get an adaptor thing, and didn't. And if we got cable, all bets would be off, because we wouldn't move, just grow ever more sedentary (hard to imagine me moreso, but there it is) and just die lying there in front of some Tim Gunn marathon. HOWever, I am much more relaxed not seeing TV. A friend was bemoaning all the Michael Jackson coverage and I could be honest and say it had simply not been on my radar at all, after the initial flush of internet excitement. So it has its advantages.

I've also never watched an episode of American Idol, ever. It's sick-making, its very existance. But what will I do when POSH is on there? That will be difficult. One of the highlights of 2007 was the incredible Posh and Becks Come to North America from Old Blighty, Land of the Redcoats Superganza (I think that was the name) special that NBC ran. The most banal trash, like, ever! Koons wept! Plus that was the week we got Picci, so I fashioned her a little tiara out of tin foil to watch the arrival of the New Royalty!

So I may have to watch that.

Also: Robbie Williams has a new LP coming out produced by Trevor (ABC, FGTH, B&S, TaTu) Horn! That should be nice and squelchy. Plus, the single is called "Bodies" which I pray to my desert gods is a Sex Pistols cover!

Oh, Lynette

Squeakie Fromme is getting out, what, today? Crazy! All the time people hear about Manson and the Beatles (oh, shit, I just remembered that dumb "Charles Manson stole this song from the Beatles, we're stealin' [sic] it back!" thing from U2 Rattle and Hum...thanks, me!) but what about Squeakie and the Stones?

Consider the hidden message in "Ruby Tuesday":

She would never say/
where she came fromme

Or so it sounds! When you consider that the murders at Cielo Road AND the pointing-of-gun-at-Jerry-Ford both took place on Tuesdays...* Did the Family people also hear this song and decide that ruby-red blood would flow on Tuesday?

Worth thinking about!

* actually both were Fridays

I've probably gone 60 miles or so since (keep track of this for me)

The other day my odometer in the Volvo gave up. Frozen at 271,(something). I will need YOU to keep track of my additional mileage.

There are other things wrong with my sweet baby, of course - window issues, general crappiness of a twenty year old car...but this odometer issue will be taken care of quickly, because I need to keep track so I can get one of those 300,000 Mile medals or whatever for the grill.

Yes, "need to."

Are you even prepared?

We're going for 20 posts today. Yep.