Nigh 150 posts for the month, you poor bastards

All posts here, in printed form,
would equal this stack of books x
a BILLION!  (estimate)

Last year in January, "we" had 118 posts.  This year we're pushing 150 for the month and the day isn't done.  This doesn't bode well for all the people out there who are hoping I will just shut the hell up.

"Content quality": I scoffed

On the "your post published successfully!" page that appears when I post, there is an ad for something called Blogworld 2010 and a 20% off electro-coupon to attend. Among promises for this event are ways to "increase revenue" (?), "grow your audience" (nah, we are a select elite bunch!), and strengthen "content quality."

This last made spit Maxwell House out my nose, because what in the world could possibly be done to improve Nick Eddy Relents?

Ridiculous!

And,

all this talk of tattoos all the time, and I never get one. Oh, well.

If I did, though, how hot would THIS be? All gold, of course, not as here...but still!

Crap mixes

These off-the-cuff, poorly thought out mixed I made for the road? Pretty terrible!

Russians - at the forefront of yellow plastic twine technology

I had always assumed I'd be some sort of warrior overlord clad in a white silk suit as I led my minions over a radioactive wasteland by now, not that I'd be able to pay 2.49 for some composite plastic twine that says Made in Russia on it:

Moral of the story: don't worry about anything.

I also had "Len Deighton" written next to my note to write about this, so I must have had some idea about a Len-style novel about Russians taking over a la SS-GB, but damn if I can remember. And what did the yellow twine have to do with it?

Whatever my idea was, I assume it was going to end with: "But who'd want to read that?

Not me.

Not me."

Stop saving change for me and...well, no, keep saving change, but also

Hey! You love reading my lame-ass ramblings, right? It's the only thing that keeps you going, that gives you hope...sure, you may not yet have joined as a follower (grrr) but, at the end of the day, the idea that I am here, ever here, putting my smarmy Salingerian-but-shitty spin on things is one of the few universal truths we have left. Right?

SO, somebody set up a savings account via paypal or whatever and everyone forestall the kids' orthidonture and having that second heart valve replaced, so you can all get together and express your collective everasting gratitude by buying me John Updike's typewriter, which will be on sale at Christie's next week or month or something.

Sure, my wife will throw it in the street after that whole "fur" incident, but for the hour that I have it in my possession before that happens, your collected farthings will at last do some good. Maybe I can even type lyrics to the songs "The Collected Works," "Stoner" and "Spanish Shawl" on them then tape them into those little Field Notes books from J Crew!

DO IT! Get off your asses!

90's me, I could just HUG you!

Dear me of the 90's,



Hey, things are fine (that fall '93 ski sweater is still in great shape!), just a quick note to say that at whatever point you decided that Jon Spencer Blues Explosion utterly sucked, well, you were entirely right! He's got a new best-of out, now, in 2010 (I don't know why, either!), and I dutifully listened to it to see if maybe, just maybe, you had been wrong about this group...stupid of me, I know. Well, needless to say, you were correct (as ever)! It's awful! Even the guitar tones are so meh (ask me later about this word) and raunchless. Mea culpa for ever doubting you!



All this guy did was invent Johnny Knoxville and generally be a Shitty Dexter Romweber! OH! That reminds me - go over to Renaissance (it's closed now! I know!) and nose around for a copy of the Athens GA Inside/Out soundtrack and store it someplace. It's hard to come by, even in the future formats that I couldn't explain to your nineties Party of Five mind. Then when I get home tonight I will have it or go dig it up wherever you bury it!



PM me.

"It's so lonely on a limb..."

Been reading Simon Goddard's Mozipedia. For about two weeks, off and on. Five hundred pages of Morrissey factoids! Every song dissected...all the crappy UK movies he loved, etc.

Now, I would guess that I may sometimes come off as a twit who is insanely devoted to my obsessions, and that I likely go from dusk to dawn listening only to arcane 80's "classics." Not so! And I would guess, with the advent of the internet (have you heard about this?), I listen to more and more varied music than I ever had! I'm a well-informed sexagenarian! That Lester Bangs thing, about how his greatest dream was to have a house with catacombs underneath, containing every record ever released? It's called the internet!

Like Mr Baker in U & I, I would guess that the works Messrs Morrissey and Marr far fairly low on my list of obsessions. Wait - here is a list (to the chagrin of the Bride, who's already had her eyes glaze over and gone back to that Garance chick or Wonkette):

1. garlic/hot sauce

2. Pet Shop Boys/Smiths/New Order

3. Lester Bangs

4. cats (probably number one, really)

5. Franny and Zooey/fussy italicization

6. Nabokov

7. Bruce Weber

8. counting loose change

9. U & I

10. green zebra tomatoes

So, yeah, Smiths are, like, in a three-way tie for #2!

ANYway, this is a long way of saying that I have been sort of obsessively listening to The Queen is Dead.

Do I need this?: