The new your/you're

I've noticed that people are starting to type "loose" instead of "lose," on such important tidings as youtube comments and the like. As in "i'm gonna loose my mind, LMAO."

Help stomp this out!

Next up: books unnecessary because reading is BORING

Ohio is not going to require school systems to teach cursive writing.

cos u kno?_it's hard LMAO!!!1!!

Suicidal thoughts? Don't look here, then

My "don't think - just type" thoughts on the Red Hot Chili Peppers are as follows:

1. When I was 16, I went through the motions of liking "True Men Don't Kill Coyotes," as the times demanded, but was never really sold on it.

2. I actually liked Mother's Milk.

3. I worked at a printing plant after my final college flunking/dropping out and the head press guy (probably about 38 in 1992) bought a copy of Blood Sugar... because of the anthemic qualities of "Under the Bridge" and then went on to say how the rest of it sucked. I hope he's doing well somewhere. If I could get him his moolah back, you know I would.

4. "Soul to Squeeze" from Coneheads is the only RHCP song I might here in, say, a J Crew outlet store and say "Hmm, these wistful changes in the chorus...not bad..." and make the Sil from Sopranos face.

Anyway, Kiedis can't sing, Chad Smith probably does guest commentary on EPSN2, Flea ruins the first ten minutes of Let's Get Lost, whoever the guitarist is this week - I don't care...oh, and they almost had Jesse Tobias as a guitarist in 1993, and he went on to marry Angie from Frente and write songs for Morrissey, of all people.

That is about all I know on Red Hot Chili Peppers without thinking about it, really.

So, if so little of my brain space and even heart is given over to these, why did this picture make me want to jump in front of a mail truck?














Discuss, if you have time.

"How I Hate Blue Monday"

This was a title of an item on my work's web site yesterday...I should probably quit!

I mean, this was like the national anthem to the 16-year old me! Biggest-selling vinyl 12" single of all time! Peter Saville masterpiece cover! "HOW DOES IT FEE-ULL...?"

MAYBE they just are trying to give pointers on making the most of your work Monday - overcoming the "Monday blues." If that's the case (full disclosure: I did not read the article), then they should say it that way. Anything else is just IRRESPONSIBLE!

What about spelling?

Gov. John Kasich vists LexisNexis, talks about education - DDN

Asta wept

Saw in last week's (Nov 1) New York, which just arrived yesterday (grrr!), that John Depp wants Rob Marshall of Chicago fame to direct him in a remake of The Thin Man. Oh, yes, John, we just can't wait for your little staccato affectations and Groucho eyebrow wiggling.

This is further proof that the world needs to end, UNLESS the Rob Marshall is actually the murderer from that Joe McGinnis book Blind Faith. That would be amazing.

Think of the CHILDREN

1. It's summer, so there are Vacation Bible Schools (VBS) happening. Whatever you think of the Bible, I have an issue with these. It's one thing to have one in the doldroms of later summer (last week of July), when kids are already bored with summer hijinx like swimming and randomly blowing shit up. But I have seen signage for VBS's to take place as early as last week! Gak! It's, like, Week One of Summer Vacation and they want to ship the kids off to some God's Dude Ranch or Veggie Tale Adventureland or Pirates of Christ Week or Jesus Hearts Oil Spills! day camp. I myself have a vague recollection of some three-day Adventist thing where we made those Time for Timer style bananas-dipped-in-orange-juice-rolled-in-peanuts-and-frozen things. It wasn't the end of the world. And I know moms need time to drink. Just EASE UP on the early summer factor.

2. I know that there is no way that any child past the age of two has ANY innocence left at all. Just the average modern commercial for, say, laundry soap is much more licentious than the most depraved porn of my youth. So there's that.

But the other night I saw some smoker divorcee chick drivin' her truck with a big window sticker that read:

CRAZY BITCH

Okay, warnin' appreciated! But does no one think at all of, y'know, propriety? Is there even such a thing? I understand that people have their infants tattooed straight out the womb now and that "alot" doesn't cause even two percent of the population to want to lean hard on their broadswords, but let's take it back about twenty notches.

I mean, TRUCK NUTS, eg. WTF? I would go get the lady-parts equivalent for my Swedish sedan (okay, yes, it's called a Volva), BUT I THINK OF THE CHILDREN FIRST SO I DO NOT.

But, you know, why Chipotle?

Was at the local college campus Chipotle earlier this week and saw something very, very odd. A seated couple had their laptop open. As I passed, my peripheral vision espied the familiar (to some) Facebook screen. Some sort of video camera device was filming these two and the Facebook page showed them on screen.

So far, so good. We started the long haul of waiting for our time to shine in front of the tortilla heater/flattener doodad. Stand, lean. Lean, move up. Stand. In the idle time, I glanced around this casa de comidas, and the VideoCouple was all scrunched next to each other, to better fit in the screen, I guess. The distaff half then began arranging and rearranging her chest to maximum bawdiness, like to make her knockers come thisclose to fully popping out of her top. I gawked, but not out of prurient interest at all, honestly; more a "what the hell?" And she was making posing "sexy" faces as one does in a mirror in a movie maybe, like Anne Archer in Fatal Attraction.

But, as I said up top, why Chipotle? Couldn't wait to do this at home? "Girl, we gotta get them boobtops on the FaceForce right NOW!"

????

Terrible night's sleep

Okay, so I stayed up late-ish playing electric guitar. I made up a hit! I think it will be called "The Complete Works." I will try to make another hit tonight.

I'm sleeping along, just chugging, when, around 4 am, old Biscuit geysers forth her near-daily throw-up. Argh! Right in the doorway. So, as not to disturb the sleeps-like-a-corpse bride, I got up and paper towelled up said partially digested vittles. No one wants to wake up and walk in cooling cat-sick. I mean, I'm sure some do, it's probably a scene, but not for us, thanks.

So, now, I'm awake. The tiny barfing noises had me sitting bolt upright - I'm the most skittish sleeper in your life, bar none. So I'm awake. Dum di dum. Think about reading, but that needs light. Do I remember the amazing rock song of five hours ago? No. I have that goddam "Fool's Day" by Blur going in my head at meow-doh! volume. Sigh. So I get up and go play said guitar (amp off) in hopes it will come back to me. I have the chords but the melody is nowhere in the enormo-dome that is my misshapen head. Frig! But the chords I still know, so maybe the melody will come back tomorrow, i think hopefully. I'm sitting in the library bedroom dealie and from outside (it's 10 after 4) I can hear kids.

Not just teenagers calling each other out, I mean 11 - 12 year old kids by the sound of it. One girl keeps saying (they're one street over or maybe in the alley behind our lush hovel) "No, I swear to God. I swear to God." And other kids are all chirping like magpies. So now I have to worry about them. Where are the parents? Turning tricks? Passed out in front of the Xbox? Maybe these are some sort of night-trudging zombie vampire kids, only ones who use the phrase "might could?"

At dawn, of course, I popped up and went to the Guitar Area (Guitarea? No.) and promptly remembered everything. Now I just need a proper combo and can record it and retire.

?

Surprising, yet still smelly

I've only heard the loathesome "Tik Tok" about three times, and have had a near-seizure each time. The true, deepest bottom yet in the history of man, wiping out the Inquisition, Pol Pot, Weekend at Bernie's II, etc...

After hearing number three, the radio pod-person said "Hey, that was Kesha, now here's some more sub-moronic autotune drivel blah blah..." but what shocked me was that her name is pronounced like "mesh"-a and not "quiche"-a. Y'know? Kesha? Really?

Also, to paraphrase Andy Warhol on Madonna [I think - could have been anybody], she looks like she stinks.

Also unpleasant: la Handler!

Via Sunday Styles profile:

As a Black Eyed Peas song plays in the background, Ms. Handler
drinks vodka on the rocks while doing her own makeup and hair.

SICK!

Blasphemy

Had a chance to actually hear Glenn Beck on the radio yesterday; all I'd ever seen was snippets of his TV show. The two segments I heard on the radio both had these gratuitous long pauses as he basically adjured simple folk to bury food or something. Pretty amazing. Then commercials for buying gold. As "insurance." But, Glenn - if things get that bad, hadn't we best be storing cans of scrapple or whatever? When peeps are starving and all we got [sic] is our guns, gold won't be worth nothin' neither!

Then I saw this, and I understood the fear that so riles up the cretinous:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/04/books/04preppy.html

Apparently, nothing is sacred. Stockpiling lemon Perrier and bagels in advance of the Decline!

(I know the mighty Chip Kidd is involved, but still)

More proof it's time for the world to end:

15 string bass:

This kid's utensil etiquette:

Jesus H., CNN

I was going to herald the first good CNN tee shirt slogan of the year (Do starlets need college?) when I saw this:

States brace for second artic [sic] blast

Well, as long as it's not arctic, we should all be okay!