Yuck!

(sings): "Sometimes it snows in almost-April..."

Overheard

[re: being encouraged to recycle bottles and cans in the workplace]

"Welcome to the United Nations..."

AND Mike D was Puck in a production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream?" What?!?

Where were we when all this happened?

Rick Rubin got skinny? What?

Oh! Pig and hog rings explained!

I asked my boss, a gentleman farmer, and he said the rings go in a pig nose to keep them from rooting - it hurts to rub the ring in the dirt/roots and les cochons are quickly disabused of the notion that it's fun. A bull ring, now - you can "turn an angry, two-thousand pound steer into a little puppy by pulling on it."

Also, look at this:

Details sketchy

News coming over via friend that Farley Granger has died - I'm at work, but have they suspended normal broadcasting? No sirens going off here, yet. I expect a White House statement shortly... This was a hot find:

Which is Don?

He's actually the one on the right here, believe it or not!

This was dinner Friday night last week.

But what if I told you my dad had been doing some laundry earlier that very day, had then decided the pants he was wearing could do with a wash, had taken said khakis off, washed them with his wallet still in the pocket, then tried to dry said wallet in the microwave?

What say you then?

I mean, even in my youth

I was like Frederick Remington or somebody: Coincidentally, this picture was taken while Three Mile Island event was going off, then I found it just last week! What goes around comes around!

Someone remind me

to harass Chris Glass about what sort of camera I should buy. Have been using phone camera for this here organ, but obviously my "Walker Evans Meets Bruce Weber X 1,000,000" abilities demand a better lens-y picture thing. Camera. Whatever it's called. I heard rumors that M. Glass has a camera he just keeps in his pocket now and it's relatively low-tech. REMIND ME!

Ian and Brooke done got married

Yep, old Ian and Brooke were at the hitchin' post on Sunday afternoon. Herewith (herewith?), pics:

The yin/yang tee shirt colors went nicely with the officiant's "matrimonial love is like a binary star" subtext!

Father o' groom holds out communicator to send sonic confirmation to his wife that the baby is indeed getting married - Adrian was in CA visiting her other male hatchling and spouse who are expecting a baby - and this was indeed the happiest moment of Harold's life, except maybe when his son, Cory and Morgan backed him up playing "Wish You Were Here" in his basement ca 1999...

The forsythia were, um, forsything...

Until Sunday, I never believed the 60's were all that much crazier than now, until I was at the weddinghaus and saw that someone thought it was a good idea to build a really beautiful, light-filled Frank Lloyd Wright knockoff in D_____, off Catalpa, no less!

"Korma on Harold" kept the famished masses happy! If I'd gone ahead and died fifteen years ago, Gabe and the Bride would be brother and sister now (pictured)! [??]

She: "I'm so happy!"

He: "Me too, darling..."

Both (thinking, unsaid): "DLM Cloud Nine bites...[Homer Simpson drooling noise]..."

A trip to Ace Hardware

Having finally started to grow up as I near the knoll of death, I have a new fondness for hardware stores. Was at our fave local Ace on Saturday, "buyin'"some nails. Here are some exciting things I saw:

Pig and hog rings! These go through pig/hog noses, so you can grab the pig by the ring, I guess?

The real question is: who needs these within city limits? Although, D_____ being D_____, there's probably some heavy "pig ring" scene out there among the kinkier singles. Maybe?

This also put me in mind of wondering who makes these...like, there's still some mild-ass dude who gets up in Indiana in the morning to go work at his machine turning out hog rings. His brother goes to work at some place where they make some proprietary mom-and-pop horseradish, probably.

Oh, man, how badly do I want one of these things, to mount on in the inside of the shed, next to the hygrometer and a moldering page from an Old Farmer's Almanac? It's a doohickey/template to check or test what size/type of screw you have. Imagine chatting companionably with a neighbor who says "Yeah, then I gotta go in the morning and check on some screw threading patterns..." and I can say "No, no, come on back here - I have just the thing..." then, later in high summer, same neighbor's methed-out 23-year old stepson breaks in to the shed and steals it because, in the moonlight, he thinks it looks like "real gold." Bliss!

You understand, right, that this Ramset (tm) Hammershot (tm) uses gunpowder cartridges to blast nails into cement/concrete, yes? Now read that again and imagine the childlike glee that crossed my old, dusty and wizened fizzog as my mother-in-law told me she had one IN THE BASEMENT. It is basically mine, in other words.

Then feel inordinate pity for the Bride and her mother and sisters that I am what passes for Man of the Family!

An "Overheard" double feature!

"I don't eat Phillipine food - I eat normal American food!"

AND

"Did I tell you about my new toilet seat?"

Within ten minutes of each other!

BUCK!

Our friends' akita Buck - he's about the size of a camel. We love him, natch.

Here he is dancing with the Bride:

And here is laying on a tarp from Great American Ballpark! Huge!

Half-glass

They call this "the D_____ Monacle."

Weekend

All my fault

We were at Mexihole on Tuesday and the topic of tripe was brought up - some of you may wish to stop reading right now. Anyway, this then turned to Campbell's Pepper Pot soup.

I stopped at the grocery for some (to prove a point?) and there was none. This did not bode well.

Turns out it has been basically discontinued so they can make more chicken-based Smurfs/Bieber soup for the kidlings or something. You can still get it from Amazon (!) in twelve-packs! Or if you are lucky enough to be Canadian.

The problem here, see, is that I failed to buy any for so long that they stopped making it. I bet I haven't bought any in ten years. So what did I expect? I also have a hard time finding Ampex cassette tapes.

If I want something to continue, I must remember to buy it occasionally. Is the point.

[Misread! It's on Amazon, but as "when it becomes available." Boo! MY fault!]

Cut scene from "The Shining"?

Dr Christie is 31 today!

As Kyle said "When you've scooped someone's eye out, you're a professional!"

Last night was birthday (observed). Today is the actual day!

There was Laser Tag (I picked "Clarence" for my gun-wielding sobriquet, after Clarence Boddicker from Robocop, and was chastised for not having a name like "Killshot" or "Shadow"):

Then, ice cream cake and, er, ice cream:

Abducted by UFOs -- and returned!

TESS!

Where has she been? See post title. But, yesterday, when I got home - there she was!

I said "Tess? Is that you?" and she ran over and did her old fashioned "pop up" for a rub on the head!

Huh.

Wedding bells?

You know how much I love our neighbors' dog Daisy? The one who's, you know, the best?

Well, she has a beau! His name is Otis/Odie and he lives with the tenant in the carriage house behind Daisy's moms' place!

They chase each other around and make goo-goo eyes at one another through windows. Plus it gives nine-ish Rosemary a break from incessant Daisy puppy kerfuffles.

I think a June wedding would be best!

But, Nick, you plaintively mew...

...what's going on over at the garden???

Glad you asked! May have mentioned: building 10 more beds for a total of THIRTY!

Fantastic new neighbor Robert brought his trailer doodad over to St Vincent's Deconstruction Depot and helped my sorry carcass get this stuff back to the crib!

This wood weighed more than the SUN!

Am halfway through the cutting-down process - used brand new Xmas present carpenter's square and tape measure!

Friendly trash dudes

Playing catchup a bit here...last Friday I was raking up our neighbor's leaves to use in our garden bed behind the house, and the friendly trash guys picked up some other neighbors' to-be-specially-picked-up debris! Plus one of the guys wanted to buy an extra truck that was just sitting there!

Thought you needed photo proof of this momentuous event! You can't say I don't care!

Next, probably never-to-be-done "side project"

Me, Chooch, some girls:

Overheard:

"That's what my dad used to say: you goin' out jerk-leggin' tonight?"

What I have done in the last hour

What did you do in the last hour?

Here are TWO (2) things I did!

Got a new KrogerPlus card!

Fixed the non-opening gate on the truck (with the help of real people)!

Whoo! Unless you're Joe Webb, I doubt you saved any lives or anything, but make the most of your day.

What's that? But did I write any lyrics, you ask?

UP YOURS! (storming off; hot tears)

Rock catch-all

1. REM in Actually Appealing New Album Shock! Really. I don't cringe with embarrassment in the listening. It's like Green and the good tracks from Out of Time had a baby. It almost makes me want to see what I missed on albums like On the Sun and Contract Full-Filler (names approximate). Only almost, though - I could never waste that much time, when I have so much to share with you wonderful people!



2. I have about 50 LPs to check out but haven't the time.



3. I thought I felt all indifferent about the newish Belle and Sebastian record, but suddenly it's all I've listened to in the truck for a week! Even the Norah Jones-equipped track is great, and, in fact, it was stuck in my head all weekend. I also stuck all the bonus tracks (including the mighty "Suicide Girl" -starting to get some feeling back in my wrist after seeing the video) on the end which REALLY makes this pup swing. So, yeah. But then, in my loneliest moments in the dark of night, I have to wonder if my unquenchable need to listen to this is just a subconscious ruse to keep me from getting off my ass, listening to my own dreck and writing some LYRICS for once in my lazy, miserable life? Your call!



4. Okay, I've never cared about Luna and wasn't smart enough for Galaxie 500 back in the olden times. Just not on my radar. HOWever, in the throes of "nothing good streaming on Netflix"-ness Saturday night, curiosity drove us to watch that 13 Most Beautiful: Andy Warhol Screen Tests thing that was mentioned (probably?) on Magnet and Pitchfork for about 11 seconds and was soundtracked by Dean and Britta (see? a point!). What good little songs! The Paul America test with a song called "Teenage Lightning" ("...put your hand down my pants...") was especially scintillating. Also, this would have been an aMAzing thing to watch when I was still on the jazz cigarettes, because I'm sure the confluence of hazy Velvets-lite rock and vintage Warholia would have had the late-20's me dopily reflecting aloud to whomever was unlucky enough to be in the room: "Wow. Dude. Just think, like, the day they shot this, like, Dennis Hopper, probably had lunch at the Russian Tea Room first, and it was raining, then he went in, shot this little movie at the Factory, talked to Billy Name, then came out and the clouds were parting and there was a rainbow...plus that's like ten years before 'landing on fractions, man' and twenty before Frank fucking BOOTH, for god's sake..." or something.

A correspondent writes:

"No matter what your politics are, you have to admit this sculpture is
downright amazing..."

He's right, I do!


Also, same friendly freelancer forwarded this at the weekend!:

"How I Hate Blue Monday"

This was a title of an item on my work's web site yesterday...I should probably quit!

I mean, this was like the national anthem to the 16-year old me! Biggest-selling vinyl 12" single of all time! Peter Saville masterpiece cover! "HOW DOES IT FEE-ULL...?"

MAYBE they just are trying to give pointers on making the most of your work Monday - overcoming the "Monday blues." If that's the case (full disclosure: I did not read the article), then they should say it that way. Anything else is just IRRESPONSIBLE!

STOP snitching

What a terrible picture! Anyway, in magic marker tagging fashion, the squiggle underneath here reads "snitching."

What about spelling?

Gov. John Kasich vists LexisNexis, talks about education - DDN

Anger Bros reunited

It happened!