What I've Learned

Hey! Esquire has not asked me to do their What I've Learned column/thing, since this blog is now officially the Third Most Popular World Web Site on The Bride's Laptop! Herewith:

* There's no such thing as weird food. If you're too dumb to like good stuff, too bad. You'll get plenty of 'cheesy bread' in hell.



* I don't try on clothes in stores. I just hold it up to me. Sometimes this
works. Also, dress like you did as a college sophomore, forever. I also don't
really know what size shoes I wear, officially.



* I thought, once upon a time, that blogging away in a style
self-consciously hybridized from Nichoson Baker's U & I and the
more upbeat portions of Lester Bangs's oeuvre would end up equaling big bucks.
Wrong!



* If I don't know how something works, I say so.



* If I could get some mildly debilitating illness where I could still be
paid but would just get to read all day - well, I could live with
that.



* Is it wrong to want to go to a Hallowe'en party as Bubble from Absolutely
Fabulous?



* They can tell when you're drunk.



* Cats are better than most people by some measure.



* I like change. Not life changes, but actual jingly coin change.



* When I was a kid, I walked around the corner of Heidi Grey's house and
got hit in the face with a lawn dart, aka Jart. Right in the corner of my eye -
just missed having the eye put out. If I had walked a little harder around the
corner, and into two Jarts, this blog would be in braille. Or read
aloud in a Steve Hawking voice.



* Canada's okay with me.



* I don't give a damn that Dave Grohl sings songs to his kid(s?) at night.
Does he care that I call my cats whores?



* I don't care what's in your medicine cabinet. Your condiments in the
fridge? Yes.



* Debt's a killer, but I don't care. Someone will die and all will be well.
Maybe me!



* I would not trade places with anybody.