Think of the CHILDREN

1. It's summer, so there are Vacation Bible Schools (VBS) happening. Whatever you think of the Bible, I have an issue with these. It's one thing to have one in the doldroms of later summer (last week of July), when kids are already bored with summer hijinx like swimming and randomly blowing shit up. But I have seen signage for VBS's to take place as early as last week! Gak! It's, like, Week One of Summer Vacation and they want to ship the kids off to some God's Dude Ranch or Veggie Tale Adventureland or Pirates of Christ Week or Jesus Hearts Oil Spills! day camp. I myself have a vague recollection of some three-day Adventist thing where we made those Time for Timer style bananas-dipped-in-orange-juice-rolled-in-peanuts-and-frozen things. It wasn't the end of the world. And I know moms need time to drink. Just EASE UP on the early summer factor.

2. I know that there is no way that any child past the age of two has ANY innocence left at all. Just the average modern commercial for, say, laundry soap is much more licentious than the most depraved porn of my youth. So there's that.

But the other night I saw some smoker divorcee chick drivin' her truck with a big window sticker that read:

CRAZY BITCH

Okay, warnin' appreciated! But does no one think at all of, y'know, propriety? Is there even such a thing? I understand that people have their infants tattooed straight out the womb now and that "alot" doesn't cause even two percent of the population to want to lean hard on their broadswords, but let's take it back about twenty notches.

I mean, TRUCK NUTS, eg. WTF? I would go get the lady-parts equivalent for my Swedish sedan (okay, yes, it's called a Volva), BUT I THINK OF THE CHILDREN FIRST SO I DO NOT.