Karl!

Took a break from making my brackets for the Final 5 (see? I do care about manly shit) to glance through an issue of Harper's Bazaar that The Bride brought back from the airport and therein was possibly the most insane thing EVER: a Karl Lagerfeld advice column!

Answers are astounding...CHECK IT!:

On whether to buy a tuxedo jacket:

First, look at the tuxedo you already own.

Okey-doke!

On "Can I still look chic while buying cheap?"

The most important thing is to sleep well. Try to have sweet dream and no
recession nightmares.

Will do!

Here are some general caveats to employ in your life:

To reinvent a newly impeccable you in the most modern of outfits, don't
skip
[sic] on makeup, and be sure to have flawless skin and hair.

The body
has to be impeccable as well - that helps a lot. If it's not
buy small sizes
and less food.

Black, like white, is the best color! They both look
great with added
color touches like red.*

Seriously, someone needs to make a Grey Gardens-style musical about this guy. Like, act one would be old school "fat" Karl and the second act would be the modern thinnish model. Songs can include "Only Coke Zero Forever" and "You Put the Lead in My (Cobalt) Pencil."

* he's right - just look at how a dram o' red tarted up this post all pretty-like!